It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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