I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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