Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
