I love black thongs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
