I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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