i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
