I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
