Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile

(270): View more from Kentucky

But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

we already have meals planned for the weekend.

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.

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(845): View more from New York

When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag

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(917): View more from New York City

I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.

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