Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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