he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
