ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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