hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
