Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
