it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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