I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
