her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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