It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
