You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
