I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
