Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
