That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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