I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want to be your penis for a week.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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