i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's the barista slut.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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