i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
