I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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