I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize