just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize