They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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