You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
