Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
