Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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