Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize