I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
