He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My pussy is not your playground.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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