My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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