Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize