She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
