so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
please come you make the beer taste better
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
