last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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