Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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