You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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