It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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