Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
