Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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