I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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