If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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