at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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