You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
