i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
