Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
