gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my being single is dangerous.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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