my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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