Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
