I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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