I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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