i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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