I wish my penis had an off switch
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
