I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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