Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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