Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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