Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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