I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
