false alarm. still invincible.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
