Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
