He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize