Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
